It’s easy to overlook the fact that your child might be stressed out by the negative things happening around them because, well, they’re just kids, right? What do they really know? Besides, you’ve been doing your best to give them all the love and care they need, so what else would they want? But the truth is, kids of any age can have all these nice things and still be stressed out by the bad situations around them. And the COVID-19 pandemic isn’t the only culprit of course; some common causes of childhood stress include major changes in the family like a divorce, a new baby, a loss or moving to a new environment. It could also be as a result of school pressure like worrying about getting the perfect grades, bullying, trying to fit in or separation anxiety.
The thing is, stress in children can come in different levels and it can show up as physical or behavioural changes which can vary depending on their age. So how do you recognize the signs of childhood stress and when is it time to get professional help? And yes, it is our job as parents to intentionally look out for these signs in our children because they usually would not be able to understand or explain exactly how they’re feeling. Older kids might be able to understand how they’re feeling but this doesn’t mean they would tell us. So always be alert.
Has your child suddenly developed nervous habits such as hair twirling or tugging, nail biting, thumb sucking, excessive laughing or blinking? These habits might not always be a cause for concern but sometimes it could be that your child is consciously or unconsciously trying to contain fear or anxiety. When you notice these nervous habits, try your best to look for triggers or causes. It could be issues with school, a new environment, a new baby, or any kind of change or transitions. You can help them by being more soothing, empathetic and not judgemental in any way. And when you have comforted them as much as you can, talk to them about these habits. Create a chance for them to express what they might be feeling without the fear of being scolded or teased. If the anxiety is about a change in routine, you can create a new structured routine for them to follow. Make the right changes to help them and watch out for when the nervous habits decrease and eventually stop. Seek expert help if the nail biting or other nervous habits cause serious injuries. Please never wait for these habits to get any worse before getting help for your child.
What about tantrums? Temper tantrums in kids are not strange really, but there is usually a point where you draw the line. Hysterical screaming, crying fits or floor stunts can drive parents crazy because many times these tantrums are a learned behaviour that children use when they don’t have their way or to express sadness or frustration. Parents can help kids unlearn these habits by staying calm and ignoring the behaviour. This shows that you’re not giving them the attention they crave at that moment and it should teach them that throwing tantrums isn’t the answer. But this isn’t always the case; temper tantrums can be a sign of stress and anxiety in children. You need to call a professional if the tantrums go beyond just rolling on the floor to trying actively to hurt themselves or other people or properties around them.
Sleep problems? Nightmares? Or bedwetting? These are common children’s sleep problems. They might wake up frequently in the middle of the night and stay wide awake for a while or toss and turn all night. Some kids might also suddenly start bedwetting again after a long record of dry sheets. These sleep problems are usually linked to how they spend the daytime or their bedtime habits, so parents can help this by working on the kids’ routines and creating a better and relaxing sleep environment for them. Not getting enough sleep can also cause a child to be irritable or over-emotional. They might also have trouble concentrating at school and this will likely affect their performance. Please do see a doctor if these sleep problems become persistent or worsen. Sometimes the bedwetting starts to happen strangely during the day, or they might start to talk about their night terrors and fears more frequently. All of these are warning signs and some persistent sleep problems in children might be caused by medical conditions.
Loss of appetite or over-eating? Complaints of stomach-aches or headaches? Anxiety can feel like tummy aches sometimes and tension can certainly cause headaches. So, if your child keeps complaining about either or both you should check with your doctor. If these symptoms persist with no medical causes, your child could be stressed emotionally. Eating too much or too little suddenly could also be a cause for alarm. Again, if these do not have any medical causes, it could be mental. Seek help from a mental health provider before it gets any worse.
Stress in children is never to be taken with levity. Children can cope and respond to stress in healthy and positive ways, but they need our support and guidance to do it right. Being aware of these changes in your child’s behaviour and understanding when it may be time to investigate further and get external help is crucial to raising strong, healthy and confident children.
Here are some more signs/symptoms to look out for:
Withdrawal from family members and friends.
Being excessively clingy.
Inconsolable crying.
Aggressive and stubborn behaviour.
Loss of interest in activities they used to love.
Remember, helping your child starts with you. So, asides from being attentive and looking out for these negative signs, you need to provide the support they need to respond to stressors in healthy ways. Of course, we know parents are stressed too and it might be quite hard to suppress your own emotions to handle your kid’s stress, but it needs to be done. You can start by being a role model to them; this will show in the way you handle your own stress and anxiety.
Here are some more ways you can support them:
Talk and listen to your child without being judgemental or pushy.
Fill your home with affection and encouragement. Adapt healthier discipline strategies that work.
Encourage physical and fun activities.
Look out for signs of unsolved stress and anxiety.
Always try your best to inform your child of major changes about to happen so you can ease them into these changes adequately.
Be mindful of the movies and books they are exposed to. Scary or violent movies or books can cause anxiety in children. Always make sure all they watch or read are very age appropriate and safe.
Again, seek help or advice from experienced healthcare providers, counsellors or therapist if the signs of stress are persistent.
