There is a false theory for generations which says when a mom who nurtures a deep emotional bond with her boy, it will prevent him from growing up to be a strong, independent man and turns him into “mama’s boy.”
Mothers determine to a large extent how a son feels about himself and how he relates to other women, especially his wife. Loud and boisterous or meek and mild, a son will view the attributes of his mother, good or bad as the right way a woman should be. This can be used by the mother, either consciously or unconsciously, to manipulate and control her son when he is an adult. Use your power, wisely. A mother’s self-esteem issues should not get in the way of your son and his wife. Understand that your son loves his wife and he loves you too.
Mothers need to understand that making your emotionally immature son your confidant puts a burden on him that is difficult for him to shoulder. When a son sees his mother in pain, he feels like he needs to take matters into his own hands and “fix” the situation. As his mother leans on him emotionally, she is reinforcing his perception of himself as somebody that must be leaned upon in order to have a purpose in life. In his future relationships, this may cause him to build resentment for his wife if she does not display the emotionally deficient and needy qualities of his mother.
Moms who keep their sons close are setting them up for success later in life, both in personal relationships and at work. Because mothers work to teach their sons emotional intelligence and their sons grow up with the communication skills that they need to navigate adulthood.
Exceedingly few women still admire the strong silent type kind on man, let alone a man who expresses his anger by punching a wall. Men who can both listen and articulate their emotions are far more attractive. And of course, sons who grow up respecting and loving their mothers tend to respect and love other women. These same skills will also help them in the workplace. In today’s economy, brute physical strength and a dominating style is no longer a ticket for success. Instead, men need the ability to work in teams and to have the right communication skills and social intelligence that their mothers have been teaching them all along.
Teenage boys who are close to their moms engage in a less risky behaviour. Good parent-teen communication can help lessen the influence of negative peer pressure. But new research shows that it is a boy’s mother who is the most influential when it comes to her son’s decision making about alcohol, drugs and sex. Some researchers speculate that the nature of mother-son communication accounts for the difference: mothers usually don’t have one big “drug talk” or “sex talk” but instead tend to weave the topic into other conversations or family activities.
Lovingly mothering your children involves taking conscious inventory of your personal beliefs and attitudes. A boy’s worldview, in particular, is profoundly shaped by what his mother demonstrates in rearing him day by day and year after year. Your son will learn to love and respect other people, most importantly his wife, by modelling after you.
Baby boys who do not have secure attachments/ bond with their mothers go on to have behavioural problems later in life. Studies reveal that boys who do not know friendship securely with their mothers in the infant years act much more hostile, destructive and aggressive later in life. A close relationship with their moms when boys were young helped prevent delinquency when they were older.
A close mother-son relationship is good for a boy’s mental health. Studies show that boys who are close to their mothers tend not to buy into hyper-masculine stereotypes. They don’t believe, for instance, that you always have to act tough, do it alone or fight to prove your manhood every time you are challenged. These boys remained more emotionally open. Not only did they have better friendships, but also less anxiety and depression than their more macho peers.
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Barry the reason this article doesn’t mention the father is because it is solely focusing on mother and son relationship, You are absolutely right that male children need father figure and we will look into writing something around this too. Well done for being a wonderful son to your parents.
Wow, some accurate & great insight to many healthy behaviors & functional ideas. I agree with many aspects of the mother-son relationship as discussed in this article. Some confusion arises for me, regarding the culture where this research was done. Is this an African-American community outside of the US? I’m surprised a father, dad, etc. Was never mentioned once in this article. As a male father, I took issue with a few factors. I perceive stereotypes in various generic comments. There are no mentions of when a son may want to spend time with his father, and how does an enmeshed mother detach in a healthy way with her son, when this arises. Boys need males to discuss as many parenting skills with their father as much as their mother! What would people think if on the other hand, it was determined via research that girls learned many healthy attributes, based solely on their father’s masculinity. My son has learned many loving , considerate, unselfish, mature, empathic, genuine, honest, intimate, friendly, unbiased, & respectful gestures from me, his father. I have modelled and will continue to model feminine & masculine attributes for my son. We’ve had discussions about girls, communication, likes, friends, mom’s over protective style and smothering parenting style and how it has affected him. My son is fortunate to have many of my male friends in his life also. I am grateful I was able to address the mama’s boy label I grew up with. Fortunately, therapeutic intervention gave me insight at a young age, where I was able to explore my disease of alcoholism. I dealt with emotional incest I experienced, cut the umbilical cord with mom, made amends to both parents, announced my love for them often, held dad’s hand while he took his last breath with mom at his other side, and assist my mother in her home, as she gracefully ages, living her life warmly in her home.
EVERY MOM NEEDS TO SEE THIS